


Cockblocking For Dummies

by KeriArentikai



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Failwolf, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, The Pack is Complicit, Vague Derek/OFCs, Vague Derek/OMC, Vague Stiles/OFCs, Vague Stiles/OMC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 12:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/748668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeriArentikai/pseuds/KeriArentikai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is determined to get over his thing for Derek when he goes to college.  But, somehow, everyone he gets involved with ends up falling for Derek instead.</p><p>Once is an accident.  Twice is a coincidence.  Three times is a pattern.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cockblocking For Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me. This just... happened.

The day Stiles moved into his dorm room for freshman year was the day he decided to move on with his life. 

Okay, he didn't go very far away for college - why would he bother, when all the rest of the pack was staying in or near the Bay Area and there were so many good schools nearby? But it was still a fresh start, in a way, and he was going to take advantage of it. 

Because Stiles was sick of never having a significant other. Of never even having had sex, of not having make-out sessions (that one time Danny took pity on him and kissed him at Jungle doesn't count, okay?) and of not going on dates. Stiles was going to date, yes he was.

It's not that he had been unable up to this point, not exactly. It's just that he's a monogamous kind of guy and he has a certain type: beautiful, scary and unavailable. It had been hard to think about pursuing anyone when he was busy pining. 

But no more! The time had come to pay the piper (that's an expression, isn't it?) and truly accept that a) Derek Hale was never going to be interested in him - as far as he knew, the guy was straight as well as completely out of his league, and b) that a one-sided crush was not a fulfilling long-term option. Sure, maybe he'd always be a little in love with Derek. But that's just how life works sometimes.

And they always say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right? So that was his plan. Stiles was going to find some people who were nice enough and cute enough and in his league and date the hell out of them.

_____

First was Jessie. She lived on the same floor as him and had freckles and ringlets. She had a great laugh and was really smart. She was nice. And she seemed to actually like Stiles. It was weird.

They hung out at a couple of dorm events and Stiles eventually exchanged numbers with her. He was okay with taking it slow. 

He thought the flirting was going pretty well, though, so he invited her to come out hang out in his room on a night almost the whole pack was there. She was so friendly and charming that Scott, Allison and Lydia immediately liked her. Jackson, as always, was indifferent at best and Stiles could never tell what Boyd was thinking, anyways. But Erica and Isaac were giving her weird side-eyes and were kind of cold to her. Stiles made a mental note to give them a talking-to later.

But he never really got around to it and, next thing he knew, they were all meeting up at Isaac, Erica and Boyd's rented house for an evening of movies and beer. Scott told Stiles he should invite Jessie, since there were supposed to be a bunch of non-pack folks there. 

He brought it up when they were sitting on his bed, watching a movie on his laptop.

"I'm not sure all your friends like me," Jessie said, biting her lip.

"No, no, they're always like that. Don't worry. You should come!" He bumped his shoulder against hers affectionately. She grinned and bumped back, and nodded.

He hadn't seen Derek in a few weeks - Derek was still working on getting a job in the area before moving, but it was close enough for him to drive up for the event. Stiles had hoped that there would be a noticeable improvement in the twinned pleasure and pain of seeing him, but no.

Oh well, thought Stiles. Rome wasn't built in a day. This plan will work! 

He grabbed hold of Jessie's hand and she smiled shyly at him as they walked in.

He was not expecting what happened next.

"Hi, I'm Derek," he said, extending his hand to Jessie. He was wearing a stylish leather jacket and tight jeans and he was as gorgeous as he always was and he was smiling. Smiling! Smiling... at Jessie.

She looked a little flustered as they shook hands but smiled back. 

"So what are you studying?" Derek asked her. Stiles gaped.

"Um, I'm thinking about majoring in physics."

"No way, that's what I studied!" Derek studied physics? How did Stiles not know this?

Before he knew what was going on, Erica asked him a question and Isaac was getting him a beer and Derek had walked Jessie over to the bar table to pour her a drink. The rest of the night followed suit - he wasn't creepy about it, but Derek was definitely flirting with Jessie. And Jessie was flirting back. Stiles felt a sinking weight in his stomach and couldn't even finish his second beer. 

The next Friday the pack came over and dragged him out, even though he had been planning on spending a quiet evening watching movies with Jessie. But they were as insistent as they always were and he found himself at a bowling alley with everyone - including Derek. 

Derek hugged her to say hi and they chatted like old friends. Scott and Allison were shooting Stiles weird looks but the rest of the pack was acting like this was totally normal. Which it most certainly was not.

The third time Jessie giggled at Derek helping her throw her bowling ball more effectively, Stiles decided it was time to go home. Logically, he knew Derek probably dated and slept with girls. He had just never had to actually see it before. He was finding that it was absolutely no fun.

Wait, Stiles caught himself. It's Jessie that I don't want to see with someone else! Because I have a crush on her now. Right.

In either case, he pulled her aside to let her know he wasn't feeling well and was going to head out.

"Oh, no," she said. "That sucks. Are you okay to get yourself home?"

"Uh, yeah, definitely." He had sort of thought she would go back to the dorm with him, but whatever. As he walked out it sounded like Derek was actually laughing.

After that, Jessie was less affectionate with him. And he noticed her texting with a little smile on her face every once in a while. He ignored all of that.

What he couldn't quite ignore was Jessie asking him if he was planning on going over to Erica, Isaac and Boyd's place the next weekend. 

"What? Uh, yeah, but..." he trailed off.

"Oh, um, Derek invited me," she said, blushing a little. Motherfucker.

But they walked together and Stiles was determined to be positive. This time Boyd had urgent matters to discuss with him as soon as he walked in and it wasn't long before he couldn't even see Derek and Jessie any more. This time he was able to drink more than two beers.

He was tipsy when Jessie came in from outside, distinctly not smiling. 

"Hey, Stiles, I'm going to go."

"Oh, I'll walk you home," he said, ever the gentleman.

When they got to her door, he thought, last chance. He leaned in for a kiss, telegraphing his movements so she would be totally clear on what he was trying. As he almost expected at this point, she put a hand on his chest to stop him.

"I'm sorry, Stiles. You're really, really great. But... I kind of have a thing for someone else."

For a second it flashed before his eyes - a future in which Derek and Jessie were together. Would he have to watch them being cute everywhere? Oh god, would he be able to hear them having sex from down the hall? He wanted to vomit. He must have looked as bad as he felt, because she rushed to reassure him.

"Oh, I know it's not going to happen. He doesn't feel the same way. But it just wouldn't be fair to you."

"Oh," Stiles said. Jessie gave him a sad smile. He didn't want her to be sad, he wasn't vindictive, and he felt oddly sympathetic - he knew full well what it was like to have a hopeless thing for Derek Hale. Stiles let himself drop the fiction that he ever really had romantic feelings towards her.

"Listen, I think we were never really going to be good as a couple, you know? But I think we were doing pretty great as friends."

"Yeah," she smiled, although her eyes were still troubled. "I'd like it if we could stay friends. But I might need some time away from the rest of your friends, okay?"

"Totally." Stiles hugged her. 

And that was the beginning of one of his best and closest friendships outside of the pack. The dating thing was working out pretty well, even if it wasn't in the way he intended. 

He never brought Jessie up with Derek and Derek never mentioned her, either. They went back to their usual habits of sarcastic texting. 

____

 

Second was Heather. She was in Stiles' Classical Myth class and they were put in the same group to do the group project. She had long, brown hair, wore very tight pants and a dangerous gleam in her eye that Stiles liked.

One night, when their group was leaving the library after working on their presentation, she suggested they go out and get some drinks. Stiles' fake ID worked a lot better here than it did in Beacon Hills, so he said yes.

In a couple of hours, he was pressed against the wall of the bar with her mouth on his own. It was a good kiss and it was hot, and Stiles was getting turned on, but... that was kind of it. He wasn't honestly that focused. He always thought making out would be one of those activities where he really paid attention, but nope. 

She asked if he wanted to come home with her, and he opened his mouth to say yes, but what came out instead was:

"I wish I could, but I can't - I have some stuff I have to do early in the morning."

She shrugged and they each headed in separate directions.

As Stiles walked home, he was trying to figure out why he said no. Clearly he just wasn't willing to take risks, to push himself out of his comfort zone. He resolved to email her to make plans to go out again before he went to sleep.

She emailed him back ("I will not judge her for her overuse of emoticons," Stiles told himself) and they agreed to go out again in two days. 

He told Scott about his plans.

"Oh, awesome! Allison and I have been planning to go to that bar for ages!"

"Dude, this is a date. You and Allison can't come on my date."

"It'll be like a double date. Or, we could leave you alone. You wouldn't even know we were there!"

"So what's the point of you being there at the same time as me, then?"

"Moral support?"

"Oh for god's sake," Stiles sighed. "Fine. But don't forget that I am trying to get in this girl's pants!"

"Uh huh," Scott said, and Stiles really wasn't sure why it sounded like Scott was humouring him.

"And don't tell the pack."

"Of course not," Scott said, sounding offended.

So, of course, all of them were there when Stiles met Heather. He bought her a drink and tried to stand so that, to look at him, she couldn't see the pack giving him looks. But the plan failed when Derek came up to the bar to order a drink.

"Hey, Stiles," he said. And his smile was just unfair. It was beautiful, sure, but it was a little fake - a smile Stiles wasn't used to seeing on Derek's face. When Derek smiled at him, it was usually soft, hesitant - not this wide, wolfish grin.

"Hey, Derek," Stiles gritted through his teeth. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

Stiles could actually see Heather changing her target. After a half an hour, Stiles left them at the bar, Heather's hand on Derek's forearm, and went to sit with Allison and Scott.

"I was going to get laid," Stiles said, miserably.

"There, there," said Allison.

_____

 

Third was Jason. Stiles met him the first time he went to the school's LGBT club lounge, and if Stiles was maybe hoping to date a guy next so he wouldn't have to worry about competition from Derek, well, Jason didn't know that.

He was a sweet guy. A couple of years older than Stiles, he had thick black-framed glasses and he drank coffee all the time. 

After a pep talk from Jessie, he got together his courage and asked Jason out for coffee. They talked for hours and had a really nice time. Outside the coffee shop, Jason gave him a peck on the lips.

"Listen, Stiles, I like you, but I'm not your stereotypical fall-into-bed-with-a-guy-after-one-date gay guy. I just wanted to get that out there."

"Dude, that's fine. I'm not, either. But maybe we could go out again?"

They went for coffee, they went to movies, they went out to dinner. They kissed. They groped a little. It was great. Stiles really thought that they could be going somewhere. Okay, it wasn't crazy butterflies, smiling-at-the-thought-of-him love, but it never is at first, right?

And Stiles made the executive decision to keep the pack in the dark on this one. Even though Derek was straight, Stiles was not taking any chances. He didn't even tell Scott about Jason, which was extremely difficult. Realistically, the pack knew something was going on, since they could tell when he was being evasive and could probably smell something, but they were allowing the fiction to continue.

But then one day, when Stiles was sitting on the couch at Jason's house, Jason handed him a cup of coffee and said they needed to talk.

"We never really addressed this issue, but I'm not sure I'm ready to be exclusive," Jason told him. The coffee burned Stiles' tongue.

"Oh. Uh. I hadn't really thought about that."

"Well, I got asked out on a date and I wanted to make sure we were on the same page about this," Jason told him.

"Yeah, that's... that's smart." Stiles took a few seconds to think, but he really didn't need to. "I'm sorry, I don't think I could do that. It's not really about a ready-or-not thing for me, I'm just not sure I could really be into a relationship if I knew you were dating other people."

"That's fair," Jason said. "I'm really sorry about this, Stiles. I like you a lot. If it had been almost anyone asking me out, I would have said no. But Derek's just..."

Stiles froze.

"Derek? Did you say the guy's name is Derek?"

"Yeah," Jason looked at him, puzzled. "Why?"

"Dark hair, stubble, super hot? Mid-twenties?"

"You know him?" Jason asked, surprised.

Stiles put his head between his knees and tried not to cry.

__________

It was two in the morning when he finally drove into Beacon Hills. After he left Jason's, he ran over to Jessie's room and poured out his heart to her. She was, understandably, totally horrified to find out that Stiles was in love with Derek and had been the whole time. She listened to him and gave him chamomile tea and after he calmed down enough to stop ranting, she pointed out that the only thing Stiles could possibly do is talk to him about it.

He parked in front of Derek's loft and was thankful that the rest of the building still seemed to be abandoned when he banged on the door until Derek answered, in a tank top and pajama pants.

He looked confused and adorably sleep-rumpled as well as totally irritated. Stiles didn't care, he walked in and shut the door behind him.

"What the hell is going on, Derek? Three times is a pattern! Why do you want me to stay a virgin forever?" 

"I... don't?" Derek replied, looking a little more sheepish than confused at this point.

"Is it some sort of pack thing? Like you don't want me dating someone outside the pack? No, that can't be it, everyone except Scott and Allison and Lydia and Jackson dates outside the pack. Isaac dates _everyone_."

"It's not a pack thing," Derek grudgingly admitted.

"Aha! You admit that it's a thing!" Stiles pointed a finger at him. "So _why_? I mean, you wanted me to be alone so badly you were even willing to date a guy. This makes no sense!"

"It's not like I haven't dated guys before," Derek grumbled.

" _What _? But... you're straight. I always thought you were straight." Stunned would be an understatement for how Stiles was feeling at the moment. There was a flicker of hope, but he quashed it. Straight or not, Derek was still Derek and Stiles was still Stiles.__

__"You never asked," Derek said. And he sounded... sad?_ _

__Derek sat down on the couch and looked down at his feet._ _

__"I'm sorry. I didn't really mean for it to happen."_ _

__"You didn't mean for it to happen? How did you even find Jason?" Stiles thought he should be making more of an effort to moderate his volume, but he was only getting more worked up as the conversation went on._ _

__"Okay, I guess that one I meant to happen. But... the whole thing, I didn't plan it. I'll stop, I promise. You can date people and I won't do anything. It was a shitty thing for me to do. To you and to the others. Boyd kept trying to tell me." Derek looked like a kicked puppy and Stiles was getting more confused._ _

__"Boyd knew? Wait, the pack knew? You still haven't told me why you even wanted to cockblock me in the first place!"_ _

__"You know why," Derek glared at him. "Don't be an asshole."_ _

__"Don't be a—" Stiles' eyebrows shot off his face and he almost laughed. "You're telling _me_ not to be an asshole? After all of this?"_ _

__"Yes. I know I screwed up, I said I'm sorry, but you could be a little more sensitive."_ _

__"About _what_?" Stiles yelled in frustration._ _

__"About how I'd feel seeing you with someone else!" Derek yelled back, and then his face shut down._ _

__Stiles felt like he had fallen down the rabbit hole or something - nothing was making sense. Derek got up off the couch and moved towards the door, his expression still impassive._ _

__"I said I'm sorry and that I'd stop. You can leave now."_ _

__"You... don't want to see me with someone else? As in, you want to see me with you?" Stiles asked, speaking slowly, as if he was trying to do complex math in his head._ _

__"You know that," Derek snapped._ _

__"I sure as hell did not know that! How was I supposed to know that?"_ _

__"Everyone knows that!"_ _

__"Not me!"_ _

__Derek looked like he was going to retort angrily again, but then he paused. And started to look as baffled as Stiles did._ _

__"You didn't know that?"_ _

__"No, of course not. Why didn't you ever say anything?"_ _

__"I didn't want to make it awkward," Derek shrugged._ _

__"Why would it be awkward if we were together? Like, do you mean, awkward for the rest of the pack?"_ _

__"No, I mean awkward because you don't—"_ _

__Stiles cut him off with a raised hand._ _

__"You were not about to say 'because you don't like me back.' You could not possibly be that dense. You've always known how I feel about you. You people can smell stuff like that! I know! Scott tells me things."_ _

__"But you always smell like that," Derek said, helplessly._ _

__"Yes, around you."_ _

__"But... you've always smelled like that."_ _

__"Yes! Around you!"_ _

__They stared at each other._ _

__"Oh my god," Stiles finally said. "Are you serious?"_ _

__"Yeah. I'm actually really serious. Are you?"_ _

__"Definitely," Stiles said, smiling for real for the first time in what felt like weeks. When Derek smiled back, it was that gentle curve of his lips, genuine and sweet._ _

__Stiles didn't drive back to college that night._ _

__Allison won the betting pool and Scott was angry to find out he hadn't been given a chance to put down a bet, but agreed when everyone told him he'd never have been able to keep it a secret from Stiles._ _

______ _

__Derek was fourth and last._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Yay for actual real-life deadlines inspiring me to write random fic! 
> 
> Thanks to p1013 and relenafanel for appropriate encouragement/discouragement when needed.


End file.
